I am JaKePositive...I am a Homosexual...I am a Filipino...I am a Proud Ilonggo... I am HIV + since June 2010... I started my ARV Treatment May 4,2013 since my CD4 dropped to 107... I am here to RAISE AWARENESS... I am here to ENCOURAGE HIV TESTING... I am here to SUPPORT MY BROTHER'S and SISTER'S who are living with HIV... I am an ADVOCATE FOR CHANGE...

Monday, August 27, 2012

Jake Positive: "My Treatment, Care and Support"

Since I was diagnosed early, my Doctors plan of treatment for me is more on Prophylaxis.

Here are some of my Prophylaxis Treatment:

Tuberculosis Prophylaxis - Isoniazid 300mg/tab once a day for 9 months

Flu Vaccine Injection - Done every year

Pneumonia Vaccine Injection - Done every 5 years 

Hepatitis B Vaccine Injection-  3 doses + booster dose. 

I am also taking Multivitamins with Iron (1tab) and Ascorbic Acid (1gram) as my everyday Supplement.

A year after I was diagnosed as HIV +, I decided to join a support group for People Living with HIV in Iloilo..

United Western Visayas Incorporated (UWVI), 

is a community-based group (CBG) of people living with HIV based in Iloilo and operating in Panay and Guimaras areas with Ilonggo members across the country. The organization is active in both prevention of HIV and promotion of treatment and care among its members who are HIV positive as well as affected families. It strives to address stigma and discrimination in order to
build confidence among the newly diagnosed to access services at the local treatment hub based in the Western Visayas Medical Center.

The organization has a rich history since its inception in 2005 during the global fund round 5 project. The strong membership and advocacy of the group has helped the Western Visayas Medical Center to have its own CD4 machine, the first outside Manila and a half-way house based in Santa Barbara in Iloilo.

My Treatment, care and Support has been a great help to me and  I would like to say my sincerest appreciation to my Treatment Hub and my Support Group for accepting me as a Person Living with HIV and has inspired me to push through with my Advocacy.

JakePositive. BE SAFE! +) 

Saturday, August 25, 2012

HIV and AIDS Treatment Care and Support in The Philippines


Upon diagnosis of a person as HIV + he/she needs to prioritize and secure these important things to ensure that he/she is able to access proper treatment and support.

1. Secure copy of your Confirmatory/Western Blot Test and present it to a Doctor preferably an Infectious Disease Doctor. He is the right Doctor that could help you and plan out your treatment. If you don't know any then ask for someone in a healthcare facility that you trust that could direct you to one.

2. Secure and Pay your PhilHealth membership. A Person Living with HIV here in the Philippines is entitled access of the OHAT (Outpatient HIV and AIDS Treatment) Package given by PhilHealth all you need to do is to pay your PhilHealth membership fees on time.

     In support of the United Nation's Millennium Development Goal Number 6 to halt or
     reverse the incidence of Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV)/Acquired Immune
     Deficiency Virus (AIDS) by 2015, PhilHealth through Board Resolution No. 1331, series of
     2009 has approved die implementation of an outpatient HIV/AIDS treatment package. This
     benefit aims to increase the proportion of the population having access to effective
     HIV/AIDS treatment and patient education measures.

     A.General Rules

          1.The Outpatient HIV/AIDS Treatment (OHAT) Package will be paid through a case
          payment scheme. Annual reimbursement is set at 30,000 pesos per year.

          2.Only confirmed HIV/AIDS cases requiring treatment shall be covered by the package.

          3.Package shall be based on Department of Health (DOH) guidelines on anti-retro viral therapy 
          among adults and adolescents with human immunodeficiency virus infection. All
          treatment hubs in accredited facilities are required to follow the guidelines set by the DOH.
     B.Specific Rules

          1.Covered items under this benefit are drugs and medicines, laboratory examinations including Cluster 
          Difference 4 (CD4) level determination test and test for monitoring of anti-retro viral drugs (ARA7) 
          toxicity and professional fees of providers

          2.The package will be released in four (4) quarterly payments; each sub-package is worth 7,500 
          pesos payable to the recognized treatment hub of accredited facilities. A maximum of four (4) 
          treatment sub-packages per year may be claimed by the treatment hub.

          3.Each quarterly claim is covered by the rule on single period of confinement computed from die date 
          of consultation. Any additional claims filed within this same period for the same reason will be denied.

          4.Only die actual quarters wherein services were provided in a year will be reimbursed.

         5.Each quarterly claim shall be charged one (1) day against the 45-day annual limit or a sum of 4 days 
         per year.
         6.In cases of transfer from one treatment hub to another, PhilHealth will still reimburse provided:

               a.The facility that the patient was transferred to is also PhilHealth accredited.

               b.A referral letter from the referring facility to the receiving facility is accomplished.

               c. The Corporation will reimburse the facility prior to the transfer .

3. Baseline tests such as CD4, Viral Load, Blood Chemistry and other tests requested by the doctor are the most crucial tests of all because this will be recorded and will be a basis to your future tests result in order to know the disease progression.

          CD4 (Cluster Difference 4)

          Usually, the CD4 test is used to determine when a person should start treatment.
          HIV attacks a type of immune system cell called the T-helper cell. The T-helper cell plays an essential 
          part in the immune system by helping to co-ordinate all the other cells to fight illnesses. HIV damages 
          and destroys T-helper cells; as a result, there are fewer cells available to help the immune system. A 
          major reduction in the number of T-helper cells can have a serious effect on the immune system.

         A CD4 test measures the number of T-helper cells (in a cubic millimetre of blood) which is known as 
         a CD4 count. Someone who is not infected with HIV normally has between 500 and 1200cells/mm3.  
         In a person infected with HIV, the CD4 count often declines over a number of years. HIV drug 
         treatment is generally recommended when the CD4 test shows fewer than 350 cells/mm3. World 
         Health Organization (WHO) 2010 guidelines recommend starting treatment for all patients with CD4 
         counts of less than 350 cells/mm3 in all countries. Although most resource-limited countries aim to 
         follow these guidelines, a number still observe the WHO's 2006 guidelines, which recommend starting 
         treatment at less than 200 cells/mm3

        Some countries may have treatment guidelines which differ from WHO recommendations. 
        For example, although USA treatment guidelines state that treatment should be initiated in all patients 
        with a CD4 count less than 350 cells/mm3 they also recommend treatment for patients with a CD4
        count between 350 and 500 cells/mm3.

        If there are complications, such as if the patient has hepatitis B, an AIDS-defining illness or is pregnant, 
        guidelines usually recommend that treatment is started earlier.

        VIRAL LOAD (VL)

        Viral load refers to the amount of HIV in the blood. If the viral load is high, T-helper cells tend to be 
        destroyed more quickly. Therefore, the aim of antiretroviral treatment is to keep the viral load as low 
        as possible.

        In places where it is available, a viral load test is carried out shortly after antiretroviral treatment is 
        started. If the treatment is working effectively, the viral load will drop to the undetectable level – below 
        50 copies/ml. Ideally this will happen within 24 weeks of starting treatment, but for some it can take 
        3 to 6 months. On the other hand, some people never reach undetectable.

        Viral load tests are then carried out every few months. As some viral load tests can produce slightly   
        different results on the same sample of blood, the results are monitored over a period of time.


4. Plan out your Healthy Lifestyle. Proper Diet, Exercise, 8hours of Sleep, etc. and an Optimistic Outlook in life would really help you to improve your immune system. Also having diversion techniques to avoid Stress and Depression will also help improve your immune System as well.

5.  Look for a SUPPORT GROUP. Weather disclosing to a person whom you can trust, it could be a member of the family or a close friend. It is best if you look for a Support Group for PLHIV nearest to your area. HIV Support Groups are brought up to help us and to provide us the over-all support that we need. 

List of Support Groups

The Positive Action Foundation Philippines Incorporated, better known as PAFPI, is an organization that is devoted into helping those Person Living With HIV/AIDS (PLWHAs) and their families in coping with their situation involving the HIV/AIDS virus. PAFPI was formed in 1998 by persons living with HIV and AIDS and uninfected persons with a view to empower persons with HIV and AIDS and their families to live a normal, happy and productive life in the mainstream of supported society.

ADDRESS: 2613 to 2615 Dian Street, Malate, Manila
LANDLINE: +63 2-404-2911, 528-4531
FAX: +63 2-567-3506
E-MAIL: positiveactionfoundation@yahoo.com , pactionphil@netscape.net
WEBSITE: www.pafpi.com
Pinoy Plus Association is the pioneer organization of PLHIV in the Philippines. It is a support group dedicated to the welfare of PLHIV in the country.
Pinoy Plus as an organized community of positive individuals, answering to the needs of peer HIV positive is the pioneer national organization of Filipinos living with HIV and AIDS in the country. Fighting for the rights of positive individuals. PPA are now in the forefront of further enriching the organization, documenting violations, evaluating access to every available services including all kinds of treatment, care and support. Gone beyond Metro Manila, creating chapters all over the country to address the needs and offer support to individuals in need either directly or indirectly affected by the epidemic. They have learned to teach one another on how to live with HIV and how to fight for their rights.
Babae Plus, the first and only existing support group of women living with HIV in the Philippines was established in 2004. Their vision is to create An Independent Lead Organization of Empowered and Supportive Women Living with HIV/AIDS.
ADDRESS: 2615 Dian Street, Malte, Manila
LANDLINE: +63 2-382-0087
E-MAIL: babaeplus@gmail.com

Cavite Support Group
MOBILE#:+63 9159463340 , +63 9498992558
Cebuplus Association, Inc. (CPAI) is a non-profit, non business oriented support group run and organized by concerned individuals in Cebu to help, educate and support the people living with HIV/AIDS(PLHA), their affected families (AF) and significant others (SO).

CPAI envision greater and meaningful engagement of people living with HIV, their affected families and significant others towards improving wellness and quality of life in a supportive environment.
CPAI aim to be an independent, sustainable organization that contributes to gender and age responsive, universal access to positive prevention, treatment, care and support through enhanced multi-level, multi-sectored and culturally competent partnership and programs.


S - Service
P - Passion for People
I - Integrity
R - Respect
I - Innovation
T - Teamwork
ADDRESS: Blessed Martha Weicka Sanctuary, Asilo De la Milagrosa, Gorordo Avenue, Lahug, Cebu City
LANDLINE: +63 2-583-8905
MOBILE#: +63 9999968485 , +63 9159061924
E-MAIL: cebuplus@gmail.com

United Western Visayas Incorporated (UWVI), is a community-based group (CBG) of people living with HIV based in Iloilo and operating in Panay and Guimaras areas with Ilonggo members across the country. The organization is active in both prevention of HIV and promotion of treatment and care among its members who are HIV positive as well as affected families. It strives to address stigma and discrimination in order to
build confidence among the newly diagnosed to access services at the local treatment hub based in the Western Visayas Medical Center.
The growing number of PLHIV in the region is driven by the large number of OFWs particularly seafarers in the region which host the highest number of Maritime Schools in the country and the flourishing – yet hidden sex industry and trafficking enroute the striving nautical highway as entry and exist points for the tourism super region in the Philippines.

The organization has a rich history since its inception in 2005 during the global fund round 5 project. The strong membership and advocacy of the group has helped the Western Visayas Medical Center to have its own CD4 machine, the first outside Manila and a half-way house based in Santa Barbara in Iloilo

ADDRESS: c/o HIV/AIDS Core Team (HACT) Office, Western Visayas Medical Cneter, Q. Abeto Street, Mandurriao, Iloilo City
LANDLINE: +033-321-0552
MOBILE#: +63 9185053555 , +63 9152883761
E-MAIL: united_wvi@yahoo.com
Crossbreeds, Inc.
ADDRESS: c/o Department of Internal Medicine,  Corazon Locsin Montelibano memorial Regional Hospital (CLMMRH) Lacson-Burgos Streets, Bacolod City, Province of Negros Occidental
LANDLINE: +63 34-456-2609
MOBILE#: +63 9105389327 , +63 9162731830
E-MAIL: cross.breeds@yahoo.com
Vida Vivo Zamboanga 
ADDRESS: Red Cross Compound Petit Barracks, Zamboanga City
LANDLINE: +63 62-992-0642
MOBILE#: +63 9287920796
E-MAIL: viva_vivozam@yahoo.com

Mindanao Advocates
ADDRESS: 557 Kamuning Street, Juna Subdivision, Matina, Davao City
TELEFAX: +63-082-297-3394
MOBILE#: +63 9089270143

If you want to know more about the support groups please do contact me for further info. jakepositive@gmail.com www.facebook.com/jakepositive 09278230300 09323298893


source: http://www.avert.org/antiretroviral.htm

JaKe Positive. BE SAFE! +)

Wednesday, August 22, 2012


STIGMA is a killer negative perception that infects those with low knowledge, making them so scared they discriminate against people who are different.
Stigma is now targeting people living with HIV. Stigmatization of HIV positive individuals scares everybody and prevents us from seeking information, treatment, counseling, and from leading healthy and productive lives.
HIV-related stigma, like racism, homophobia, discrimination against women or any type of discriminatory attitude, has no place in the workplace.


1. EVERYONE. A working place where stigma and discrimination exist is not a healthy workplace.
2. PEOPLE LIVING WITH HIV. By being rejected by stigma carriers, HIV positive individuals are forced to hide their status, miss out on life-saving treatment, counseling and other forms of support.
3. HIV NEGATIVE PEOPLE. If stigma persists, people are scared even to obtain information for themselves and for their family members. Without accurate information about HIV prevention, treatment and care, everyone is at a higher risk of becoming infected with HIV.


We should raise awareness to everyone and take action for People Living with HIV and AIDS. We deserve respect that you give to your loved one's. We deserve to be given the right to live as like everyone else in this world. We deserve to be given equal right's because we are equally the same as you are.


JaKe Positive. BE SAFE! +)

Tuesday, August 21, 2012


The Philippine HIV & AIDS Registry is the official record of the total number of laboratory confirmed HIV positive individuals, AIDS cases and deaths, and HIV positive blood units in the Philippines. All individuals in the registry are confirmed by the STD/AIDS Cooperative Central Laboratory (SACCL) at San Lazaro Hospital. While all blood units are confirmed by the Research Institute for Tropical Medicine (RITM). Both are National Reference Laboratories (NRL) of the Department of Health (DOH).

Mandatory HIV testing is unlawful in the Philippines (RA 8504). The process of reporting to the Registry is as follows. All blood samples from accredited HIV testing facilities that are screened HIV reactive are sent to SACCL (individuals) or RITM (blood units) for confirmation. Confirmed HIV positive individuals and blood units are reported to the DOH-National Epidemiology center (NEC), and are recorded in the Registry.

The Registry is a passive surveillance system. Except for HIV confirmation by the NRL, all other data submitted to the Registry are secondary and cannot be verified. An example would be an individual's reported place of residence. the Registry is unable to determine if this reported address is where the person got infected, or where the person lived after being infected, or where the person is presently living, or whether the address is valid. This limitation has major implications to data interpretation. Thus, readers are cautioned to carefully weigh the data and consider other sources of information prior to arriving at conclusions.



















FOR FURTHER DETAILS PLEASE VISIT OR DOWNLOAD THE FILE. HERE'S THE SITE http://www.pnac.org.ph/index.php?page=philippine-hiv-and-aids-registry

Department of Health - National Epidemiology Center

JaKe Positive. BE SAFE! +)

Monday, August 20, 2012



TREATMENT HUB is a hospital facility with an established HIV/AIDS Core team (HACT) providing prevention, treatment care and support services to People Living with HIV (PLHIV) including but not limited to HIV counseling and testing, clinical management, patient monitoring and other care and support services. ARV treatment can only be accessed through these facilities. 

There are 19 TREATMENT HUBS in the Philippines.



Baguio General Hospital and Medical Center (BGHMC) 
Address: Gov. Pack Rd., Baguio City
Landline Number: (074) 442-4216 local 381; 442-2012; 442-3165
Cellphone Number: +639155816480

Ilocos Training and Regional Medical Center (ITRMC)
Address: San Fernando City, La Union
Landline Number: (072) 607-6413 local 124; 242-1143; 700-3808 loc. 122

Cagayan Valley Medical Center
Address: Carig ,Tuguegarao, Cagayan
Landline Number: (078) 304-1410; 846-7240; 844-3789
Cellphone Number: +639209830825 / +639175781490

Jose B. Lingad Memorial   Medical Center     
Address: Brgy. San Dolores, San Fernando, Pampanga
Landline Number: (045) 961-3989 (Medical Dept); 961-3921; 961-3380

James L. Gordon Memorial Hospital
Address: New Asina, Olongapo City
Landline Number: (047) 222-4120

San Lazaro Hospital
Address: Quiricada St., Sta. Cruz, Manila
Landline Number: (02) 732-3125; 723-3776 to 79; 732-3106 local 218 (H4-OPD) 212 (H4 Ward) 743-8301; 309-9528/29 loc. 6000

Philippine  General Hospital
Address: Taft,Avenue, Ermita, Manila
Landline Number: (02) 554-8400 local 3249; 567-3394;  526-1705
Cellphone Number: +639205031104

Research Institute for Tropical Medicine (RITM) 
Address: Filinvest Corporate City, Alabang, Muntinlupa City
Landline Number: (02) 807-2628 local 332; 526-1705; 807-2628/38 loc. 801/208

Makati Medical Center (MMC)
Address: No. 2 Amorsolo Street, Legaspi Village, Makati City, 1229
Landline Number: (632) 888-8999 local 2336

The Medical City 
The Medical City I-REACT (I Am Responsible thru Early Assessment, Consultation and Treatment)
Address: Ortigas Avenue, Pasig City, Metro Manila
Landline Number:  (632) 635-6789 local 6323 (Infection Control Office); 988-1000, (632) 988-7000 extension 6765 and 6323.

National Capital Region has 5 Treatment Hubs
3 Government (San Lazaro, RITM and PGH)
2 Private Hospitals (Makati Medical Center and The Medical City)

Bicol Regional Training   and Teaching Hospital (BRTTH)    
Address: Rizal St.,Legaspi City, Albay
Landline Number: (052) 483-0015 /16/17; 483-0086


Western Visayas Medical Center (WVMC)       
Address: Q. Abeto St.,Mandurriao, 5000 Iloilo City
Landline Number: (033) 321-0552; 321-2841 to 50

Corazon Locsin Montelibano Memorial Regional Hospital (CLMMRH) 
Address: Dept. of Internal Medicine, 3rd Flr., OPD Bldg. CLMMRH, Lacson St., Bacolod City, Negros Occidental
Landline Number: (034) 709-0244; 435-1591 loc. 226; 433-2697
Cellphone Number: +639222903710 / +639228608756

Vicente Sotto, Sr. Memorial Medical Center (VSSMC)
Address: B. Rodriguez St., Sambag II, Cebu City 6000
Landline Number: (032) 253-9891 to 96; 253-7564; 253-7564/ 9882

Governor Celestino Gallares Memorial Hospital, (formerly Bohol Provincial Hospital)
Address: Miguel Parras Street, Tagbilaran City, Bohol
Landline Number: (038) 411-4868; 411-4869; 411-3185

Eastern Visayas Regional Medical Center
Address: Magsaysay Boulevard, Tacloban City, Leyte
Landline Number: (053) 321 3129; 523 2800 (Medical ward)


Zamboanga City Medical Center (ZCMC)
Address: Ligaya Center for Healing, Zamboanga City, Medical Center, Sta. Catalina, Zamboanga City
Landline Number: (062) 991-2934; 991-0573

Southern Philippines Medical Center (Davao Medical Center (DMC)
Address: J.P. Laurel St., Bajada, 8000 Davao City
Landline Number: (081) 227-2731 local 4205

Northern Mindanao Medical Center
Address: Capitol Cmpd., Cagayan de Oro City
Landline Number: (088 or 08822) 728829  726362

JaKe Positive. BE SAFE! +)

Sunday, August 19, 2012





Acceptance is often confused with the notion of being “all right” or “OK” with what has happened. This is not the case. Most people don’t ever feel OK or all right about the loss of a loved one. This stage is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality. We will never like this reality or make it OK, but eventually we accept it. We learn to live with it. It is the new norm with which we must learn to live. We must try to live now in a world where our loved one is missing. In resisting this new norm, at first many people want to maintain life as it was before a loved one died. In time, through bits and pieces of acceptance, however, we see that we cannot maintain the past intact. It has been forever changed and we must readjust. We must learn to reorganize roles, re-assign them to others or take them on ourselves.
Finding acceptance may be just having more good days than bad ones. As we begin to live again and enjoy our life, we often feel that in doing so, we are betraying our loved one. We can never replace what has been lost, but we can make new connections, new meaningful relationships, new inter-dependencies. Instead of denying our feelings, we listen to our needs; we move, we change, we grow, we evolve. We may start to reach out to others and become involved in their lives. We invest in our friendships and in our relationship with ourselves. We begin to live again, but we cannot do so until we have given grief its time.

MY THOUGHTS: Acceptance is not that easy. It's a process and therefore you need to experience situations that would really put you to the test. But once you take hold of it, everything seems more meaningful.

GOD has given me another chance and not anyone has this opportunity. That's why I shall make this second life more meaningful and be of service to the people who need help.

Life is too short to dwell with revenge, sadness, and guilt. If we dwell on this we won't be a better person.
I decided to embrace my condition. It might bot be a condition where I cannot be proud of but at least I can say that this condition taught me a lot of lessons in life and it made me STRONGER and a BETTER MAN.
Acceptance relieved me from the shackles of torturous pain.
I feel better now and I gained confidence.

My advocacy aims to help people who are newly diagnosed, I've been there and so I don't want them too feel so alone in this world. They need all the love and support, and so I'm here for them. I also advocate for early detection since it would really help a lot if you were able to know about your HIV status at an earlier stage, with the help of the doctor and medical team, it would be possible that you could live a normal life. Also everyone has the right to know the FACTS and the TRUTH about HIV and I believe we should be given RESPECT and be given the life that we want away from STIGMA and DISCRIMINATION.

I am very much thankful for all the people who accepted me as to who I really am. For my parents who showed their support and love. For my best friend who was always there for me and always listened to what I was sharing to him. To my Fellow PLHIV's who gave their support and helped me out to be in this ADVOCACY. And other significant others who made my life more meaningful and full of love. I OWE IT ALL TO YOU!

At times, people in grief will often report more stages. Just remember your grief is unique as you are.

JaKe Positive. BE SAFE! +)

SOURCE: http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/ 

Thursday, August 16, 2012




After bargaining, our attention moves squarely into the present. Empty feelings present themselves, and grief enters our lives on a deeper level, deeper than we ever imagined. This depressive stage feels as though it will last forever. It’s important to understand that this depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a great loss. We withdraw from life, left in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, perhaps, if there is any point in going on alone? Why go on at all? Depression after a loss is too often seen as unnatural: a state to be fixed, something to snap out of. The first question to ask yourself is whether or not the situation you’re in is actually depressing. The loss of a loved one is a very depressing situation, and depression is a normal and appropriate response. To not experience depression after a loved one dies would be unusual. When a loss fully settles in your soul, the realization that your loved one didn’t get better this time and is not coming back is understandably depressing. If grief is a process of healing, then depression is one of the many necessary steps along the way.

MY THOUGHTS: I had my depression since day 1 of my diagnosis but as the day pass by it gets deeper and deeper and deeper, I was letting myself to sink to the quicksand of depression. I start to lack the enthusiasm to work. I was able to do horrible mistakes with work like swapping orders and charge it with another persons credit card. During our 1hour lunch I slept 2hrs just to catch up with my sleeping hours that I lack. It was a nightmare and I was very unproductive. I wasn't suicidal though and I never had ideations in taking my life.  I was feeling worthless, disgust, helpless, uncomfortable . The only person that I was able to talk talk about what I am undergoing is my best friend. He was with me all the way, from day 1 until now. He knows what I feel and tries hard to cheer me up, but I fake it out. I tell him that I am ok but still I was in the quicksand of depression. He never gave up on me and so I held my HOPES on to that.
I recovered quickly from depression, my best friend threw a ROPE OF HOPE to me and I reached for it and climbed up. I was rescued from the quicksand of depression.
I owe it to my best friend and also my family and relatives which eventually showed their support to me and assured me that everything is going to be alright. 
Even today I still do have some dull moments from time to time but, I just become OPTIMISTIC, I never loose HOPE, I always look forward for a brighter future. And it overpowered my depression. 

 JaKe Positive. BE SAFE! +)

SOURCE: http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/ 




Before a loss, it seems like you will do anything if only your loved one would be spared. “Please God, ” you bargain, “I will never be angry at my partner again if you’ll just let him live.” After a loss, bargaining may take the form of a temporary truce. “What if I devote the rest of my life to helping others. Then can I wake up and realize this has all been a bad dream?”
We become lost in a maze of “If only…” or “What if…” statements. We want life returned to what is was; we want our loved one restored. We want to go back in time: find the tumor sooner, recognize the illness more quickly, stop the accident from happening…if only, if only, if only. Guilt is often bargaining’s companion. The “if onlys” cause us to find fault in ourselves and what we “think” we could have done differently. We may even bargain with the pain. We will do anything not to feel the pain of this loss. We remain in the past, trying to negotiate our way out of the hurt. People often think of the stages as lasting weeks or months. They forget that the stages are responses to feelings that can last for minutes or hours as we flip in and out of one and then another. We do not enter and leave each individual stage in a linear fashion. We may feel one, then another and back again to the first one.

MY THOUGHTS:  Bargaining has been what I was doing a couple of weeks after my diagnosis. I was constantly praying the rosary and asking spiritual guidance and I was asking GOD to wake me up of this bad dream that I was into. I was visiting the adoration chapel almost everyday talking to him and asking him for forgiveness and begging him to reverse what has been done. But as days pass by I don't get any answer. I was desperate and really persistent in bargaining. Nothing, nothing really happened at all.
I was also having realizations like "What if I did it safely with everybody? would I still have the same scenario?" What if I just controlled myself with my urge? will I be able to avoid this incident?" "If only I was more careful with the person's I meet up and have sex with." " If only I stayed just at work and at home and don't do other sexual activities to fulfill my fantasies and feed my urge." It went on and on and on and on . . .  It was pure torture.... Everytime I wake up I would grab my bag and pull out my HIV test result hoping that I just misunderstood it, that it was NON-REACTIVE .... I was finding reasons and ways that would help me forget those painful memories. EVENTUALLY I GAVE UP  WITH BARGAINING.... Had a realization that I have to face this and do something with it.

JaKe Positive. BE SAFE! +)

SOURCE: http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/ 






Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. Be willing to feel your anger, even though it may seem endless. The more you truly feel it, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will heal. There are many other emotions under the anger and you will get to them in time, but anger is the emotion we are most used to managing. The truth is that anger has no limits. It can extend not only to your friends, the doctors, your family, yourself and your loved one who died, but also to God. You may ask, “Where is God in this?
Underneath anger is pain, your pain. It is natural to feel deserted and abandoned, but we live in a society that fears anger. Anger is strength and it can be an anchor, giving temporary structure to the nothingness of loss. At first grief feels like being lost at sea: no connection to anything. Then you get angry at someone, maybe a person who didn’t attend the funeral, maybe a person who isn’t around, maybe a person who is different now that your loved one has died. Suddenly you have a structure – - your anger toward them. The anger becomes a bridge over the open sea, a connection from you to them. It is something to hold onto; and a connection made from the strength of anger feels better than nothing.We usually know more about suppressing anger than feeling it. The anger is just another indication of the intensity of your love.

MY THOUGHTS:  Anger was not able to take over me. I was able to control it. Others felt extreme anger that they begin to continue their habit of unprotected sex for the sole purpose of infecting other. I was not like that. I didn't even blame GOD for leading my life into this. I was a very patient person and a forgiving one. But there were instances that I was not able to feel extreme anger but I vent it out by crying. 
When both of my uncles knew my HIV status they seemed to be very hesitant to let me stay in their house. So when I had my STI treated they bought be a ticket for me to have a one week stay at our province and also to unwind and be able to be with my family. After that week when I got back to Manila they already arranged an apartment for me to stay while I was recovering  and I was all alone there. Dad used to sleep with me though during weekends because he is also working in Manila. But those 5 long weekdays, I was left there alone and I almost cried all day and also I can't sleep so I have to take my antihistamines fr the purpose of me to get drowsy and eventually fall to sleep. I did that for a week or two.
I was angry with my relatives because they dumped me just like that. They did some alibi's like "we have visitors coming so the house would be full". I didn't complain, they didn't hear anything from me. But deep inside I was hurting, HURTING LIKE HELL! I was like an outcast. I will never forget those sad days when I cry almost every night on the veranda and just stay there for hours, alone. 
But I forgive them. I know that it wasn't their fault and they weren't educated with my condition. 

JaKe Positive. BE SAFE! +)

SOURCE: http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/


The stages have evolved since their introduction and they have been very misunderstood over the past three decades. They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss as there is no typical loss. Our grief is as individual as our lives.
The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief. Not everyone goes through all of them or in a prescribed order. Our hope is that with these stages comes the knowledge of grief ’s terrain, making us better equipped to cope with life and loss.

  This first stage of grieving helps us to survive the loss. In this stage, the world becomes meaningless and overwhelming. Life makes no sense. We are in a state of shock and denial. We go numb. We wonder how we can go on, if we can go on, why we should go on. We try to find a way to simply get through each day. Denial and shock help us to cope and make survival possible. Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature’s way of letting in only as much as we can handle.
As you accept the reality of the loss and start to ask yourself questions, you are unknowingly beginning the healing process. You are becoming stronger, and the denial is beginning to fade. But as you proceed, all the feelings you were denying begin to surface.

MY THOUGHTS: I can still remember the day when the Medical Technologist sent me an SMS saying that I can pick up my HIV result. Hearing her say that made me nervous but I was still calm and composed. So I fixed myself and decided to go and pick-up my test result. 
I arrived in the place and she greeted me with a smile. A smile that gives me assurance that everything is gonna be ok. She asked me something before she handed me the result, sealed in an envelope. "What would your reaction be if it turns out positive?", she asked. "I seriously don't know." I answered. She discussed several things before she handed me the envelope. I took hold of it and opened it .... It says REACTIVE for HIV. I looked at her and handed the result back to her. She explained the test result further. I tried to listen but I wasn't. I was just looking at her and nodding and hardly understood what she was saying. She asked me what I am feeling. I replied, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. She tapped me on my back and said, it's not too late for you. She informed me of support groups and also stressed out my need to see an Infectious Disease Doctor for my Health Evaluation. I told her i'll do it and said my goodbye.
On my way out of the hospital I called my best friend. He was anxiously waiting for my result and once he answered my call he asked me right away if what was the result. I said, Yes It is POSITIVE, I am HIV+. Upon hearing that he bursted into tears and I suddenly tears start to fall on my face. Hearing him cry made me so emotional. I was walking along PGH around 2pm and I was crying but I try to just bend my head to conceal what i am undergoing to the people around me. Took the MRT going home, just standing and just looking far away, and I was talking to myself that thing couldn't happen, this is not possible. Tears start to fall again but I tried to stop it and just plugged in my earphones to listen to some lively music. It did help a little, I was relieved but still random thought's about what's going to happen still runs in my head. As I entered the my uncles house, i went straight to my room and just laid down. I didn't notice the time but I was awake but my mind is stuck somewhere else. I wasn't able to sleep that night and went straight to work. My shift was 12mn to 8am. IT WAS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.

JaKe Positive. BE SAFE! +)

SOURCE: http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/

Friday, August 3, 2012

Reproductive Health Bill

I am a Christian and my parents raised me to become a follower of GOD. However this RH Bill Controversy is really giving me the nerves. I don't have anything against my church but as a citizen of this country, each and everyone of us has the right to be a responsible citizen and a responsible parent to our children. If we are given options and also the right information towards FAMILY PLANNING, there won't be increased rates of maternal deaths, there won't be increased rates of fetuses dumped in the toilet bowl, families will be given the chance to plan their spacing for their children and the spread of HIV and other Sexually Transmitted Infections will be lessened.

If this Bill is passed, every Filipino will benefit from it and it would really help a lot.

With EDUCATION as the number one priority and the cheapest mode of ADVOCACY for HIV and AIDS we will be able to penetrate through the tight institutions that hinders SEX EDUCATION as a Privilege Right of every Filipino Youth. I have seen the format of the said topic and I don't see anything alarming about it that would pollute the curiosity of the youth. But what I see is a very effective and an empowering strategy to give the youth the knowledge and also provide them the right information that would someday help them to become responsible citizens and a responsible parent to their children.

The Filipino family is a very conservative family and I believe that education starts at home and when the parents send their children to school they expect that they want the best for their children and the school being the second home and the teachers being the second parents they are expected to give the right information to their students an also empower them to become responsible citizens in the future.

The CHURCH should start to reflect on what should be prioritized, RISK REDUCTION or AVOIDANCE.

RISK REDUCTION means doing something or putting up a program to prevent something and also to improve the well being of a person.

RISK AVOIDANCE is doing nothing. Just plain avoidance would lead to ignorance and would result to bigger problems.


JaKePositive. BE SAFE! +)


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