I am JaKePositive...I am a Homosexual...I am a Filipino...I am a Proud Ilonggo... I am HIV + since June 2010... I started my ARV Treatment May 4,2013 since my CD4 dropped to 107... I am here to RAISE AWARENESS... I am here to ENCOURAGE HIV TESTING... I am here to SUPPORT MY BROTHER'S and SISTER'S who are living with HIV... I am an ADVOCATE FOR CHANGE...

Thursday, August 16, 2012





Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. Be willing to feel your anger, even though it may seem endless. The more you truly feel it, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will heal. There are many other emotions under the anger and you will get to them in time, but anger is the emotion we are most used to managing. The truth is that anger has no limits. It can extend not only to your friends, the doctors, your family, yourself and your loved one who died, but also to God. You may ask, “Where is God in this?
Underneath anger is pain, your pain. It is natural to feel deserted and abandoned, but we live in a society that fears anger. Anger is strength and it can be an anchor, giving temporary structure to the nothingness of loss. At first grief feels like being lost at sea: no connection to anything. Then you get angry at someone, maybe a person who didn’t attend the funeral, maybe a person who isn’t around, maybe a person who is different now that your loved one has died. Suddenly you have a structure – - your anger toward them. The anger becomes a bridge over the open sea, a connection from you to them. It is something to hold onto; and a connection made from the strength of anger feels better than nothing.We usually know more about suppressing anger than feeling it. The anger is just another indication of the intensity of your love.

MY THOUGHTS:  Anger was not able to take over me. I was able to control it. Others felt extreme anger that they begin to continue their habit of unprotected sex for the sole purpose of infecting other. I was not like that. I didn't even blame GOD for leading my life into this. I was a very patient person and a forgiving one. But there were instances that I was not able to feel extreme anger but I vent it out by crying. 
When both of my uncles knew my HIV status they seemed to be very hesitant to let me stay in their house. So when I had my STI treated they bought be a ticket for me to have a one week stay at our province and also to unwind and be able to be with my family. After that week when I got back to Manila they already arranged an apartment for me to stay while I was recovering  and I was all alone there. Dad used to sleep with me though during weekends because he is also working in Manila. But those 5 long weekdays, I was left there alone and I almost cried all day and also I can't sleep so I have to take my antihistamines fr the purpose of me to get drowsy and eventually fall to sleep. I did that for a week or two.
I was angry with my relatives because they dumped me just like that. They did some alibi's like "we have visitors coming so the house would be full". I didn't complain, they didn't hear anything from me. But deep inside I was hurting, HURTING LIKE HELL! I was like an outcast. I will never forget those sad days when I cry almost every night on the veranda and just stay there for hours, alone. 
But I forgive them. I know that it wasn't their fault and they weren't educated with my condition. 

JaKe Positive. BE SAFE! +)

SOURCE: http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/

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