I am JaKePositive...I am a Homosexual...I am a Filipino...I am a Proud Ilonggo... I am HIV + since June 2010... I started my ARV Treatment May 4,2013 since my CD4 dropped to 107... I am here to RAISE AWARENESS... I am here to ENCOURAGE HIV TESTING... I am here to SUPPORT MY BROTHER'S and SISTER'S who are living with HIV... I am an ADVOCATE FOR CHANGE...

Thursday, August 16, 2012




After bargaining, our attention moves squarely into the present. Empty feelings present themselves, and grief enters our lives on a deeper level, deeper than we ever imagined. This depressive stage feels as though it will last forever. It’s important to understand that this depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a great loss. We withdraw from life, left in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, perhaps, if there is any point in going on alone? Why go on at all? Depression after a loss is too often seen as unnatural: a state to be fixed, something to snap out of. The first question to ask yourself is whether or not the situation you’re in is actually depressing. The loss of a loved one is a very depressing situation, and depression is a normal and appropriate response. To not experience depression after a loved one dies would be unusual. When a loss fully settles in your soul, the realization that your loved one didn’t get better this time and is not coming back is understandably depressing. If grief is a process of healing, then depression is one of the many necessary steps along the way.

MY THOUGHTS: I had my depression since day 1 of my diagnosis but as the day pass by it gets deeper and deeper and deeper, I was letting myself to sink to the quicksand of depression. I start to lack the enthusiasm to work. I was able to do horrible mistakes with work like swapping orders and charge it with another persons credit card. During our 1hour lunch I slept 2hrs just to catch up with my sleeping hours that I lack. It was a nightmare and I was very unproductive. I wasn't suicidal though and I never had ideations in taking my life.  I was feeling worthless, disgust, helpless, uncomfortable . The only person that I was able to talk talk about what I am undergoing is my best friend. He was with me all the way, from day 1 until now. He knows what I feel and tries hard to cheer me up, but I fake it out. I tell him that I am ok but still I was in the quicksand of depression. He never gave up on me and so I held my HOPES on to that.
I recovered quickly from depression, my best friend threw a ROPE OF HOPE to me and I reached for it and climbed up. I was rescued from the quicksand of depression.
I owe it to my best friend and also my family and relatives which eventually showed their support to me and assured me that everything is going to be alright. 
Even today I still do have some dull moments from time to time but, I just become OPTIMISTIC, I never loose HOPE, I always look forward for a brighter future. And it overpowered my depression. 

 JaKe Positive. BE SAFE! +)

SOURCE: http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/ 


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